Bo and his minds

Well, its about time!! sorry guys!

2005-10-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone has probably quit even bothering to check this blog, so i guess I'm writing to an audience of none! But its fun knowing that I'm taking up space in the infinite emptiness of cyberspace. I'd just like to re-establish the fact that there is no consistency in m writing - my spelling is crap and i am no good at putting the right capital letters in the right places. get over it or read another blog! lol. I havent put anything on here for months, not since i got back from the states I'd love to have one of those awsome excuses but i dont - i just cant be bothered to sit on my butt in front of a screen for ages typing about my life when i already know it all and few other people are likely to read it. so that raises a question - why on earth am i writing on here at all? well that answer to that is... clearly that.. umm... i just bla bla murmermurmer...rubarb.... WELL! now that that is all sorted out, lets get on with it!!!
The summer was sweet for me, definitely a good memory! a few tough parts and such, hard things to get over, but we live and learn and if we losen up nothing hurts much - everything is good medicine! I'm more set in my desire to be a musician than ever. its tough and I'm pretty discouraged just cus my writing sucks and i feel like im getting nowhere, but i still want it more every day so i keep working at it. If any one out there has any magical tips on songwriting lemme know!
I'm now at college which is weird. I mean i love it and its fun, but I not getting very organized which is a probelm as I've been going for more than a month. I'm still not getting to bed on time ( cuz im doing stupid stuff like writing blogs etc.). My music A-level is difficult, loads of it is going right over my head, masses of technical stuff that is way beyond me so some prayer for that would be sweet. I'm also realizing that keeping up my faith is gonna be a bit more of a of than i thought. Gorgeous girls that know how to flirt, guys that take plenty of drugs and get hammered regularly, and just the general gossipping, swearing, shagging, doping load of it. pray. I wanna be an honorable guy in such a dishonorable world - its not so easy!

Well If i get of lazy ass again soon, there'll be more, maybe a little less pessimistic next time! until then good night cyberspace!

BO

P.S. th picture is me with Jon Jameson, a friend of my brother in law Jeff, at Jeff's wedding to my sister bethany. dunno why i put it on here!

Last Words

2005-03-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm at my last stop in the states before heading home and I'm feeling kindof pensive. It's just weird that I've come to this place that I thought was gonna be so spiritually dry for me and have learned such a huge amount in such a short space of time. It took my about 5 months to form any real freindships and then two weeks later I left Ohio and said goodbue - probably for ever - to these people that I had suddenly come to love. man life is weird.
I want to start over when I get home. I'm just waking up to how pathetic I've become in my spiritual walk - what happened to that Bo who wanted to change the world and see hearts unchained and strongholds broken? I wanna become that guy again. I want to learn to love people all over again. Being the new kid for 5 months has woken me up to just how much new kids in our church must suffer when we ignore them. Don't get me wrong, most of as are pretty good at being friendly and polite, but so often we dont really put in an effort and go the extra mile to bring in an outsider. I want to present that shining picture of Jesus who loves first then asks questions later to all the people I meet, even the ones I did'nt want to meet.
Now for a quick subject change. I dont know if the case of Terri is well known in England. Terri is a middle aged woman who in her twenties suffered some severe brain damage and was confined to a bed. she cant do anything including speak or really move, but she smiles at people she knows and clearly has mentall capabilities. she's been this way for several years now and her husband recently went to court stating that he wanted her feeding tube and all water removed from here, and somehow that judge granted his wish. so for 14 days now terri has been deprived of all water and food and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Bush tried but cant get enough of the senate to sign a bill to have her fed. She's just sitting there in a hospital hanging on to life and this time the legal system that I so heartily endorse is completely failing to protect an innocent helpless person. makes me sick... a couple of twisted men are standing in the face of the entire american population and starving a helpless woman for the sake of convienience. And even the president cannot legally override the decision. This world is getting evil. I just found out while writing this that she has finally died. God Forgive Us

2005-03-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

Well, We've left our house in Ohio and are heading for Florida. We've stopped off for a few days at my great aunt's house in Tennessee (not a clue if thats spelled right!) and last night they had a "music night" in their basement. It was pretty cool, although I think I've had about all the country bluegrass music I can handle!! There were ancient men with ancient geetars, banjo's, slide geetars and southern accents. Interesting! And last night I learned to play the MANDOLIN!!! I learned about 6 chords and worked out the intro to Drunken Lullabies by Flogging Molly - pretty awsome!! just another few weeks and I'll be home!!!!!!!

2005-02-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys,
It's been a while since I've put anything on here, but at last I've found some time and I've gotta let you all know about whats just happened.
On friday I went to retreat for young guys called Crysalis. It was held in a huge church building and there were about 26 guys there none of whom I knew. I got there at about 7:30, and ate breakfast. No clocks or watches were allowed on the weekend so by the end of breakfast we had completely lost track of the time. That was really cool cuz we never worried about time, we just let the leaders tell us when to do stuff. We had 5 talks a day, with really short breaks in between, so it was pretty intense. The theme of the talks was the way God loves us. All day on friday, people gave us things, cooked us great food, and just did other simple acts of unrequested love so that by the evening we were all pretty blown away. That night we did a thing where we wrote problems or burdens that are getting between us and God, and then nailed them to this huge cross, that was really powerfull. All day we had been told about how much God loves us, and this was just such a powerfull ending to the day and it left us all broken and weeping. The thing is, there was ZERO emotional "atmosphere", just some guy with a guitar playing some pretty simple stuff and singing, but the truth of what we'd learned that day and what we'd just done was overwhelming. After about an hour of crying and praying together, we were told to go to bed without saying a word, and we were all kindof annoyed. We'd just gone through such a powerfull moment together, and now they wanted us not to talk about it!! But we did as we were told and the outcome was unreal. Because we couldn't talk, the only way to express to each other what we felt was with hugs and knowing looks that said "man, God really loves us!". That night we all became brothers in the most incredible way, no one said a word, but we all just knew it.
The next day was even more incredible, the speakers went deeper into this endless fountain of love that God gives us, and we spent lots of the day crying like babies and wondering what happened to the cool, conrtolled guys that had walked into church the day before. People from all over the world sent us letters of encouragement, telling us once again that God loved us and that we should dig deeper into him. We all recieved so many gifts from people we didnt know, crosses, notes, stuffed toys, and all sorts of silly stuff that meant nothing other than the fact that people who didnt know us at all had chosen to spend time and money to love us. That evening we were led to the main sanctuary of the church, and as we walked we were all sining the song "I'll Fly Away" at the top of our lungs. But as we got nearer the sanctuary we started hearing some other song, and walking in we found about two hundred people, each with a candle shining in the dark, singing a simple song about love, I dont even remember the words. They all lined the isles, packed tight against one another, and as we were led in single file around the church, each one of them stopped singing just long enough to reach out, take our hands and say "Jesus loves you!". I was totally bewildered. I've never felt so truly loved in my life. I didnt know a single on of them, some of which I later found out had traveled 80 miles to be there, yet they each looked directly into my eyes with a look of true love and said those incredible words. About halfway around the room I simply burst into tears and fell into the arms of the nearest person, I just couldnt belive or understand it all, and he held me there and just repeated those words to me over and over. We were eventually led to the front of the room and as we lined up before the altar, we started to sing the song with them and then we couldnt believe what happened. As we took up the song, the people who had been in the room left us! They carried on singing and slowly walked out a side door, leaving us broken and amazed, nearly drowning in our tears. Almost 200 hundred people had come, some travelling for over an hour, simply to tell 26 guys that God loved us, and then left again, not asking anything in return or even waiting to be thanked. We were left standing there feeling confused and shocked and slowly wandered off to dark corners of the sanctuary to sit by our selves and think about what had just happened. I sat alone and felt so confused, what on earth did it all mean? I had to sort something out with God, but I couldnt work out what it was. So I slowly went up to the cross at the front of the room, and knelt there asking God what he was getting at with all of this. I wasnt crying anymore, and I just sat there bothered that I wasnt grasping it all. I felt someone kneel next to me and put his arms around me, and opened my eyes to see it was one of the few guys who I hadnt really spoken to since I'd been there, and as he just stayed there hugging me and telling me Jesus loved me It hit me! He had no reason to hug me, we'd never even spoken - he was choosing to, those people who came to tell me that they loved me had no valid reason to do so but they did, all the people who had sent us gifts and letters didnt have to, they just did. This was Agape love, these people were loving me simply because they had been loved in the same way by Jesus, and now they were choosing to love me like that. I know this is dragging on, but I just cant get over it. On sunday, after the final talk, we were each given a huge envelope full of letters. Each one was written for me personally, some by people I know - thanks guys! - and loads from people I've never known who had been given my name and were praying for me all weekend. The letters were just encouraging me to walk forward with God, and of course we were all weeping again! I cant figure out how they pulled that of, getting all those letters from people I knew and some I didn't. Then there was a huge service afterwards and all of our families came and we each had a chance to share what we had discovered over the weekend. Lots of the guys wept in the pulpit as they tried to put in to words the love that was poured out on them over the weekend. I didnt do a very good job myself.
What I'm getting at with telling this ridiculously long story is just that I want to put across the magnitude of love that is found in God's heart, all that love we were given was from God's own heart, flowing through his servants. None of it was deserved or even asked for, but it was given anyway, and that is the way I want to live. This love is contageous, it brought together 26 complete strangers into a solid group of brothers, simply because when we realized how loved we are, we couldnt help but pass it on to those around us. As Christians we have each been given acces to that never ending fountain of love, and the more we wake up and realize it, the more love we will have to pass on. Now I realize why Christ's death was so powerful - because that unconditional, extravagent love is not just life changing, it is WORLD CHANGING. Capable of breaking EVERY barrier, healing EVERY wound, touching EVERY hard heart. AGAPE IS THE ANSWER. If we choose to love like that - unconditionally, selflessly, unreasonably, sacrificially, extravagantly, not by impulse but by choice, then nothing can hold us back in this world, no mountain will EVER be to high, because that is love that flows directly from the heart of God everlasting.
DE COLORES!

Diploma!!

2005-02-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys!
I'm not sure how many people knew this but about a month ago I took a test called the GED ( General equivalence Diploma ). Its a test for people who want to earn an American Highschool Diploma but didn't go to highschool or were homeschooled like my. It was a pretty tough test that covered Science, Mathematics, Sociology, Writing etc and took two days. Well anyhoo, I just got my results back and I passed nicely!! My score was better than 88 percent of the people who took the test and I now have a high school Diploma! sweet huh? But it kindof leaves me wondering what on earth I'm gonna do from here, what comes next? I don't have a clue. Pretty scary, but I guess kindof exciting with the prospect of discovering life with god by my side.

2005-02-18T08:14:00.000-08:00

and again

2005-02-18T08:13:00.000-08:00

Well here, as previously promised, are the pictures of my mexican babe (so to speak) as well as one of Dad's Strat. nice huh?

WOOOOOOOHAHAHAHA!!!!!

2005-02-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

DUUUUUDE!!! SWEEEEEET!!!!WOOOHOOOO YESYESYESYESYES! OHOHOHOHOTHISISAWSOME! WAHTADREAM! ...Most Excellent...!

Ok, for you fools who did not grasp the obvious implication of the previous paragraph, I guess I'm gonna have to spell it out for you - I GOT A NEW GUITAR!!!!! When we first came over here, I bought myslef a Squier Telecaster and it was nice - kindof. Well... there was nothing really wrong with it, but it just wasnt exactly as plush as the real thing. I was dying for something smoother and a little more dreamy - eg. Fender Telecaster...DUN DUN DUUUUN!
So I saved up over the last two months and then on monday we drove to toledo, went to this almighty shop called the guitar center that has walls and walls covered with guitars,and did some trading. I gave em my old Squier Telecaster and $200, and in return they gave an Arctic White, Made in Mexico, Standard Fender Telecaster. And there was much rejoicing. It is twice the guitar that my last one was, has a smooth neck that just plays like it should and the sound thrashes anything my last one had to offer. I'll get some pictures on here soon as we now have a digital camera. HOW GREAT OUR JOY!!!!!

2005-02-05T09:12:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been pondering a fear that has been growing on my mind. As I grow spiritually and mentally, I'm realizing what a fool I've made of myself at points in the past few years. I see how often I've been un-loving, careless with other peoples hearts and with my words, and particularly manipulative. Its scary to think about how many people probably remember me for wrong things I've done and said. And I know that once you get an idea of who someone is, even due to one small thing they've done, it can be really hard to view them in another light. I hope people arent looking at me through the same tinted glasses. There will definitely be people reading this who's opinion of me, however good in general, is somewhat clouded by something or things I've done or said. That doesn't apply to everyone, but to those who it does, I wanna ask you guys to view me as a new guy every day and forgive my past childishness. Because to be honest, thats all I am, I'm a child learning to be a man, and so you better get over mistakes I've made in the past cuz there'll be plenty more in the future. I'm working on it.
Love all
BO

Breaking the Hunger Barrier

2005-01-31T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well I spoke to my cousin who's a physical therapist and he said that I partially dislocated my hip. It still really hurts but apparently it wont get any worse. I went snowboarding again today and it was awsome. My carving is getting sweet and I'm starting to do some awsome jumps and stuff! Last week I was feeling pretty rough so on sunday I stopped eating to clean my system out. Now its monday evening and I still havent eaten. It actually feels really good. I feel really energetic even after a long day on a board!
Bad news: labor at the pizza place where I work is getting high so they've had to cut back my hours. I dont have any hours this week and might not have any next week either - I might lose my job altogether. I'd really appreciate prayer on that as I really need to be saving right now.
On the upside, I just listened to a radio interview with John Mayer. He was on the phone in his kitchen and it turns out that his kitchen contains a small mini ramp for skating. The radio guy was all like "NO WAY!" so Mr Mayer did some stuff on the ramp so we could hear his board kicking about. I'm convinced! Cool!
Lately my walk with God has been improving and as a result my songwriting and poetry has skyrocketed! Always a good thing!
Well, love all. hope everything is going well
Peace
Bo

2005-01-27T11:58:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I went snowboarding for about the 9th time. It was great and Inailed my carving, as well as get some nice air on jumps and stuff. But halfway through the morning i was grinding a rail and landed badly on my spine. It hurt so bad that I could hardly move for a while, but the pain faded and I got up and carried on boarding for the rest of the day. Then in the evening I went to a youth meating with I guy I just met, played guitar in their worship practice, and hopefully I'll be on the the wordhip team next week. As the evening went on, my spine and my pelvis was hurting more and more and by the time I got home I was in agony. I cant put any weight on my left leg at all, it just wont support me, and I cant even bend down to touch me knee. I reckon I've greesntick fractured my pelvis, but we're gonna give it a day or two and see what happens before going to get it checked up. Stinks!

Against My Will I Stand Beside My Own Reflection, It's Haunting...

2005-01-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

Classic line from "Crawling" by Linkin Park - I'm not particularly into the band but that line seemed perfect for this post.
After reading all the posts on the grace website about the whole gay issue, and after thinking about the fact that I view homosexuality as such a huge sin, I had to come say something about the truth of the whole matter.
I've been struck lately by the horrible size of my sin. I'm amazed at how often I walk willingly into evil, not oblivious to it, but simply in spite of it. I stand and think, "If I do this, it will trample everything Jesus went to the cross for." and then so often I simply continue. Sure I'm sorry after, but its easy to apologize for something that’s in the past, its a different thing to do better next time. I'm just miserable sinner who deserves to be cut off from God and everything he is. But for some reason God has gone beyond that - beyond fairness, beyond all limits and everything I have a right to expect from him. He keeps loving me no matter how much I push his goodness back in his face. That’s more than I would do for anyone else. That’s just amazing.
I’m just another sinner, like gay people, like murderers, like all of us. But God is so much bigger than my sin, and I’m more than thankful for that.

An Origional Kalamzoo!!

2005-01-12T11:09:00.000-08:00

Last night we found an old guitar under one of the beds in my grandma's house. Its an old Epiphone made in the late 50's in the town of Kalamazoo, where all gibson and epiphone guitars were made. Its a cheap model, but has solid back and sides and is a bit bit of a relic really, even has my grandfather's name in it! were gonna get it fixed up and make it playable. Cool huh!!

2005-01-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

Just had put up a little something quickly to say thanks to my big brother Johnny (as pictured) just for being such a legendary example to me. He demonstrates so much to me of what the christian walk should be and is a shining example to all us younger guys. I owe him a whole bunch for being so good to me even when I'm being a jerk. John, you're the man. Love Bo

I'm Turning Into a Human Garfield!

2005-01-12T08:37:00.000-08:00

Last night I went for swift run... um... that is: I ran swiftly to Dollar General, bought a pint of caramel fudge ice cream, and devoured it in joyous honour of my new years resolution to look like Michael Moore by age twenty! LETS HERE IT FOR CONSUMERISM!!!

more bruises!!

2005-01-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

Well, my loving fans, another day on the slopes and my clear talent for snowboarding is becoming ever more apparent. I spent the day busting sweet moves and flying way faster than average, telling slow older to eat my powder... um...OK, that was all a load of crap. I did go snowboarding today, and I have improved quite a bit...somewhat... but my only attempt to bust a move got me about 2 inches off the ground before i landed again and almost wiped out! I did'nt finally work out how to control my speed until the last run. Up until that I travelled at ridiculous speeds and repeatedly wiped out. Once I lost control and tumbled 30 feet, completing 3 painfull summersults before finally coming to a stop. I bruise like a piece of fruit!
Other than that the only interesting new is that we've had no electricity for three days! and most of the state has been in the same prediciment. There was a big ice storm that took out all of the power caples! our house has been unheated in tempereatures well below freezing for several days but we have power again at last!

Snowboarding!!

2005-01-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

Well its new years day and I've just gone snowboarding for my first time ever!! I know I said the snow had melted, but the mountain where i was has snow machines on it - sweet! I had a lesson for an hour and picked it up quite quickly, so I decided to go out on the proper slopes and bust some moves. I well it went well until i picked up so much speed that other people on the slope started yelling at me to slow down. thats when I realized that I hadnt really learned how to slow down, and so all my attempts at slowing down ended up as huge wipe outs that pulled every muscle in my body. I went down the slopes a few times and got really good at moving ridiculously fast, I just had to get used tot he fact that I had to wipe out in order to stop. now my neck is sore that it hurts to swallow, let alone turn my head. Still lonely to death, but wot can you do, I just have to remind myself that I'll be home soon.

2004-12-27T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well, Its been ages since written anything on here, and im currently so tired that i cant be bothered to think much about correct spellings and capitolization and such, so get over it!.
Lots has gone on since i last wrote on here. liam, Johnny and ester came over from england, and we had a great time with them, its snowed like crazy and all that. then they left and all the snow did too. that was gay. I cant be bothered to tell everything that has happened since then so just make up a neat story and pretend i told it to you. I'm really struggling being here all alone, i just feel so far away from all the people I love, and I'm not good at dealing with lonelyness.

Bethany Dillon - you should listen to some of her stuff!

2004-12-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

I went to see Bethany Dillon on friday night. That was just amazing - she was so good! She did an acoustic set, just her and her guitar. I've never been so impressed - its just incredible to see some my age doing something so good with their life. But at the same time it was kindof depressing cuz it showed me how little I'm doing with the time given to me. Sure - I'm only 16, but if at 16 she can stand on a stage in front of hundreds of people, proclaiming the gospel and singing such incredible songs, I should at least be able to get decent grades in my school!!
I'm really lost at the moment as far as what I should do with my life. I'm so passionate abiout music, but it just seems so unrealistic and hopeless. I dont have a clue what to do once I get back to England, A-levels are unlikely as there isnt much acedemic stuff I'm actually interested in, and I cant afford nexus. I'm probably gonna have to get a job at safeway and take some kindof of a carpentry course - how lame! I wish that I could find soemthing that made me come alive - something that I could get completely wrapped up in. Music does that for me, but I just dont have the talent to go anywhere with it. I feel so dead and uninspired. I need some input - something that can consume me and wake me up a little, I feel like I'm get really lost in boredom.

Too Late For Little Boys Like Me

2004-12-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well, last night I was buffet manager at the pizza place which was cool, but that also meant that I had to clean up once the buffet was closed, so I didnt get home till after ten. I watched Tv for an hour, had a shower, and was about to go to bed when I realized that i was'nt waering my retainer. So I looked all over the house for an hour but didnt find it and finally gave up. I was just about to get in bed at 12:30 when I noticed that nice big role of duct tape lying on my floor. So I sat down a set to work making a new wallet for myself out of duct tape. It's actually quite nice and I didn't get in bed till 2. STINK. Then I woke up at seven and walked a mile and a half to work to see if I'd left my retainer there, walked a mile and a hlf back from working feeling grumpy cuz it wasnt there -walked into my room, stepped on something, and sure enough, there on the floor is my retainer! It's never simple is it!

Josh Groban

2004-12-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hey, just thought I'd let everyone know that you should keep an eye out for a singer called Josh Groban. He's this new singer over here and he's only about twenty but he's got this incredibly strong and mature voice that just blows you away. He' might be a bit too "classical" sounding for some of you guys, but I'd definitely advise anyone who can to download a song called "you raise me up" by him, and also " remember when it rained" ...really good.

2004-12-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

You know those songs by Tim Hughes - "When All Around Is Fading" and "When Silence Falls". They're really good songs, talking about clinging to God when there's nothing else to cling to. They reminds us that when things are really, really difficult, God will bring us through.

But there's another side to the coin, and I wish I could find such a good song relating to it, but it doesnt seem like I can. You see, sometimes things around us aren't fading - sometimes each day has so much interesting, mind consuming, enjoyable junk in it that Jesus seems to be the last thing we would hold on to. I personally feel like its harder to praise God when there is no silence and the rest of life seems to shine so beautifully that Christ becomes an after thought.

That is beggining to turn itself into a painfull reality in my life. True - being in America, so far from everyone I know and love is difficult. But moment for moment, I've never been so comfortable! I dont have to worry about anyone else, food is good, school is ok, and whenever I'm fed up with thinking about important stuff, I can just go play my guitar so loud that my soul is overwhelmed with noise. This is dangerous! I'm realizing that walking with God requires dilligence and discipline - two things that as of yet I'm not very handy with. I'll get there!

Daaaaaa!!!! music frustration

2004-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

DUDE THIS IS SO ANNOYING!!
Since I've come here, I've put loads of time into playing guitar. But as hard as I try, I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I hope all you guitarists out there can identify with this. I play a couple hours everyday. but no matter how much effort I put into my guitar, it al sounds so flat and lifeless. I just dont feel like I'm improving at all. Im just playing the same old stuff, everything interesting seems so far beyond me that I just cant grasp it.
I'm really frustrated with my songwriting too. I write stuff all the time, but the more I write, the more dissatisfied I get. Maybe morgana can identify with this as a slightly more accomplished songwriter. I wrote three songs in over the weekend, thats gotta be a record. they al seemed so completely inspired and powerfull when I wrote them, but when i come back to work on them, they just seem so totally crap that I cant really even be bothered to finish them.
I'm listening to John Mayer at the moment, it just makes me feel even crapper. He's so inventinve and original... DAMN!

need some supportive prayer

2004-11-29T08:39:00.000-08:00

Hey All. Its been a while since I've posted anything on here, I spent last week at my cousins house celebrating Thanks-giving, so I didnt have a chance to post anything. It was an interesting experiance to have a holiday devoted entirely to the act of being thankfull. Made me realize just how fun it is to be satisfied with the wonderfull stuff we have. If you actually TRY to be thankfull, you'll be suprised at how enjoyable it is.
I need to ask for prayer from anyone who reads this. Im really struggling in so many areas of my life, especially spending time with God. Over the last week or two my quiet times have diminished to almost nothing. My desperation for holiness seems to have turned into nothing but striving and frustration. On top of that, I'm so confused about my future that its driving me mad. I so desperately want to go to truro college but transport is impossible and there is no one for me to move in with who is closer to truro. Truro is really the only place I'm interested in going to, cuz they have exactly what I want, and lots of my Christian friends are going there. So the next option is to go to nexus christian music college. After all, playing guitar is more what im interested in doing with my life and all that. But what if thats not what God wants? I would have to spend a couple years working to get enough money to go, and then spend a year there. What if after all that it turns out that it was the wrong thing to do and I've wasted three years on something completely useless?
Desperately needing some clarity here people, advice and prayer would be accepted with much thanks.

The Consuming Dream

2004-11-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

People dont really seem to notice it, but I live in a constant state of impatience. Not like "Come on, when's the traffic gonna start moving?" impatient - more like "Come on, when's life gonna start moving?" impatient. In every day matters I'm quite happy to move as slow as you like, but when it comes to lifes longer adventures, i have no capacity to "wait and see", instead I sit and worry. I'm writing this for my own benefit, because I need to get it out.

I'm gonna admit something now that I don't often tell people, so publishing it on the web is a bit scary, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My life ambition is to be a professional musician. It was my dream long before I even considered playing guitar. But I always felt so childish because of it, and so until a couple of years ago I never really thought about it seriously. But the thought hasn't gone away and since I've been playing guitar Ive started viewing the idea with more and more hope. But at the moment, I have no clue about the extent of my musical ability and so any plans of being a successful songwriter seem like empty dreams and nothing more. I spend hours worrying about whether or not going for my dreams is to big a risk to take, somehow i cant find it in me to just wait and see how things turn out. I wish that I could muster the patiance to sit tight and hope for the best, because in my desperation to achieve my dream, I have a tendancy to regard as valueless anything that i dont see as directly related to me getting where i want to get. But what's the point of geting somewhere with nothing to show for it? There would be no value in me getting to the peak of mount everest if i couldnt remember the long, slow climb.

Am I making sense at all? I just have a feeling that Im focusing so much on the future, that the beautiful present is slipping past me unappreciated.
What would happen if one winter, all the caterpillars in their cucoons got fed up of sitting around like dead leaves and decided they wanted to become butterflies RIGHT NOW? They would crawl out of their little sleeping bags, looking nothing like beautiful butterflies, unformed and good for nothing. Those that survived the fall to the ground after the pitifull failure of their attempt at flight would soon be killed by the harsh winter weather and their dead bodies would quickly be trampled by a world oblivious to their existence and unlit by their well timed emergence. I'm afraid that the same will happen to me if i dont learn to slow down and appreciate life as it is now. I dont want to reach my horizon unformed and imature becauseI didnt have the wisdom to wait out the learning process.

I've got to learn to appreciate life.

Maybe my hopes are foolish, maybe not - either way, I will never get these years back later if I let them pass by unnoticed now. Dreams should brighten the future, but that doesnt mean they should dull the present.

Interesting Pizza

2004-11-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I went in for my first proper shift at the pizza place on monday night. There were 4 other people on my shift and they were all gay! it was kindof weird to be the only strait person in the building. One of the guys is a new christian who was actually really cool and i got on well with him. He broke up with his boyfriends when he got saved but he still kindof struggles with it, it was really powerfull to see someone struggling in sin and yet so alive in Christ. It just reminded me that God doesnt require us to be all sorted out before he starts working his wonders in us. He doesnt call the perfect, but perfects the called

Bo

Pizza!!! Gonna Get So Fed Up of That Word!!

2004-11-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

I GOT A JOB!!! Today I start work at this great little pizza place called East of Chicago. They make the best pizza around! I went in for a training shift last week, and tonight I do my first proper shift - 5 till 10. Really looking forward to it.although my knowledge of how to make an "all meat country supreme" is still a little rusty, i should get the hang of it after a couple of angry customers call because they got the wrong pizza! Trail and error is the way forward!

2004-11-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

Life is moving so fast at the moment, I feel like I'm getting left behind a bit. It's kindof hard to process the fact that im 5,000 miles from everythin I know, everyone I love, and the entire lifestyle that I thought held me so safely. I was almost angry that I'd been taken away from England where everything seemed to be going so well. When I left, I was so convinced that i was gonna hate being here - I just decided to leave my life in england, get this six months over with, and pick up my existence when I got back. I was living here with that outlook until I joined a homeschool group week before last. They were aranging a play and needed me to take a main part. The play is a modern version of the parable of the talants, and it just slapped me awake and made me realize what i a muppet I'd be if I let this six months slip by without even trying to make something of them. I'm starting to see that I have a chance here to learn lessons that I might not have been able to learn back home - from both the people here and from myself. Rather than God having no right to bring me here, it's obvious that I have no right to do anything other than bless God for bringing me here and give these next months everything I've got.

2004-11-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys.
Well, Its wednesday afternoon and I've just about covered all my school for the day. Just finished a big report on the fact the Leo Fender has had the greatest influence on modern music of any man in the last century - and now I'm trying to think up what to write my next report on, any ideas? I know I'm gonna go off on one here, and people who dont play guitar will probably stop reading this (thats assuming that they ever started reading), but its fresh in my mind so i gotta talk about it. The guitars that Leo Fender produced have practically defined our popular music. without them, no noe else would have ever had the guts to make a solid electric guitar. Other People like Gibson had thought about it but thought it was ridiculous and so did everyone else. but Fender went for it anyway. Without him, there would have been no Hendrix, no Queen, no John Frusciante, no Maroon 5, no Mayer! NO CLAPTON!! I'm listening to "wonderful tonight" by Clapton, its just at the part with that awsome solo. Im so glad that Fender invented the strat!!
Ok, thats my first little rant - all done!
Next on the list - John Mayer's new album - As/Is. Its simply brilliant. Its a collection of live performances from his summer tour on two Cds and the only down side is that its got a really flimsy cardboard case. Its got a lot of songs from his last two albums, and each song is perfect. Somehow his sound has gotten so much better - kindof matured. Its got a great "come back to bed" with one of the best solo's ive heard him do. It also has all the other classics - YBIAW, No Such Thing, Clarity, Comfortable.. and they all sound twice as good as the originals. If any of you can manage to get a hold of it, it'd be a worthwile investment.
Done ranting! Gotta get back to school. I'll write something worth reading later
Hope you're all well
Talk soon

Day one

2004-10-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well,
This is my first actual posting on here. I saw that everyone else is starting them, and there's nothing like hopping onto the bandwagon!
Its monday morning, ive just spent the last few hours doing school which has absolutely sucked. As usual, school is driving me mad. Well, since we moved to the states, everything has been crazy. i got a new guitar which is awsome. I've been wanting an electric for so long and its a dream. It took forever to actually get to our ow house, and I lost half my music collection - about 40 hours! - on the way. Thats really got me depressed. Week before last i booked a ticket to go see Ben Folds play in a near by town. I was SOOO excited, i was even looking into buying a digital recorder to bootleg the copncert. Then the day before the concert, Ben Folds went into hospital with some major breathing problem and the whole tour got cancelled!! so I went and drowned my sorrows with some major binge music buying. Bought Jeff Buckley - Grace , Starsailor - Love is Here, DMB - Crash, John Mayer - No Such Thing, and John's new album As/Is, which isnt out in england! After all that, I felt so much better!
I've been learning some huge lessons from God, im really starting to realize how valuable time with Him is. Last night I spent just about 20 minutes Praying and reading my Bible, and it was just incredible, such a refreshing experience. Im also starting to realize the importance of complete purity of mind and life style. I guess i just always thought that I was really pure and clean cuz im a virgin and dont listen to Slipknot, but im seeing that its so much more than that. Purity is something that should rule in every little corner of my inner and outer being - it should run in my veins as if it were the very life blood that keeps me going. I've spent so much time on the big aspects of my purity that i've missed loads of little aspects, and now I'm being amazed at all the crud thats crawled in through the gaps. God is totally blessing me though by revealing the crap and showing me ways of getting around it. And even though before i dealt with some of these things they didnt seem like problems, the difference now that they're gone is glorious.
Well, thats all i have time for at the moment. more later. I know i havent emailed many of you yet, i dont get much interet time each week. but Id really appreciate it if i could here from some of you, i dead lonely over here!
Love you all
BO